Special Birthday Edition: Inevitable Terminator Story
Standing in front of the burning hulk of the California economy, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced his entry into the race for Governor of California. "The politicians are fiddling, flatulent and flabby," the extremely muscular behemoth said, speaking through an interpreter. "The man that is failing the people more than anyone is Gray 'I Suck Less than the Other Guy' Davis. He is failing us, and this is why he needs to be...uh, terminated, haha, and this is why I am declaring that I am a Running Man." When asked for clarification as to whether this meant he was running for California Governor, Mr. Shwarzen, er, Schortzen, uh, whatevernegger, said "Ja woll."
This major development has caused great consternation amongst the Democratic leadership, which was naively convinced that the attempted coup represented by the recall had as much chance of success as the impeachment against President Clinton. "Yeah, he's got the personality of a stomped grape," said one Democratic apparatchik, who asked to remain anonymous. "But in California, stomped grapes make wonderful wine, and that fuels our economy. Despite his faults, it's not like [Davis] got drunk on the vino and abused a cigar or anything."
In response to the sudden threat of an Austrian hulk--whose only economic experience comes from a Hollywood system that says with a straight face that movies earning record profits lose money--ruling over the sixth largest economy in the world, Diane Feinstein (pictured right) vowed to take the fight directly to Schwartzengoober. "I will ask Howard Dean to spot us some money," Feinstein stated vigorously to reporters standing outside the Captiol gym. "He's flush, and can help us run some awesome ads in the Farallon Islands market."
When asked about the threat of Dean injecting money into the California Dems' coffers, and whether he would be able to match Dean's fundraising prowess, Mr. Panzerwagon replied, "Arnold Schwarzenegger has no need of money!" Only time will tell if the fat lady will sing on this Quixotic campaign to institute regime change in the Golden State.